“If you don’t normally
do this at home, then why are you doing it right now?” she asked herself
for the third time. She combed her hair
to the side to keep it from whipping into a tangled mess, her eyes locked on
the tattoo on his nape. Squinting her eyes, she remembered that back then,
tattoos were a taboo, but tonight, she was not so sure. And as if entranced,
she closed her eyes and chanted, “I don’t
know. I don’t know anymore.” Life is
funny sometimes. For the most of your life you think about one thing only to be
told one day that you were wrong.
Time says it was well beyond midnight but here she was,
letting herself get drawn to somewhere else, with someone else. The roads were
barely lit, but she liked it; the stars shone much brighter this way. Maybe not
as bright as the stars she saw back home, but a lot brighter than usual.
It was dangerous. And she knew that, even before he started
asking her out. But she only counted the stars to keep her sane for a while. “It’s lesser tonight,” she thought,
wishing the ride wouldn’t end too soon. It did. And the next thing she knew,
they were already in front of a playground – swings still, and slides dusty,
patches of grass growing in between the cracks of the cemented road.
“Diane,” she heard him whisper. Ron has been staring at her
for a while now, half of his face, covered by a nearby tree’s shadow. “I’m glad you went out for a ride with me. I
mean, it’s a little late now, but…” he trailed off. There was hesitation in his
voice when he said it, as if he were scared it would come out wrong.
“It is late, but
what else could we do? C’mon! Didn’t you say you were hungry?” Diane flashed
him a grin in response. Maybe it was his stare that caught her off guard, but
whatever it was that set her chest drumming, she didn’t want to know anymore.
It was too risky. She skipped to the stall instead and grabbed a few sticks of barbecue
after dropping a few coins and bills on the old man’s palm.
“I didn’t know you had a birthmark,” he said in between mouthfuls of puso. “It’s cute.” He started to trace his fingers on the pink triangle
shaped mark on her left shoulder but she swatted it away. He started doing it
again but this time, she moved several inches away.
“What in the world is
wrong with this guy? Doesn’t he know how much tingles I get each time he touches
me?” It could’ve been loud had she not just thought about it. She pursed
her lips instead and pretended she was alright.
He chuckled. “You know, you’re pretty even when you get mad.” She
looked up and expected him to laugh and say he was kidding, but he didn’t.
Instead, what she saw was so beautiful, it was painful, she had to look away
and pretend her eyes hurt.
She wanted to hide. She wanted to get away, but at the same
time, she didn’t. She hated getting drawn to every single word he says, but she
wanted to get closer. To just feel what it is like to actually like somebody.
Even if it were only for one night.
Except that it didn’t last for just one night. It lingered too
much, her chest hurt. And it’s been weeks.
“I told you it was all a mistake,” she mumbled to herself
under her sheets. “I told you he’d stop because you were never meant to be
there in the first place.”
Diane rolled to her side to check her phone for the eighth
time.