Absence

So it’s been nearly two months since the last update, and I am not entirely sure how to stuff a month’s worth of postings in a single entry.

It was a whirlwind of emotions this past month, and I have, to be honest, been quite loose with my prayer life and I blame that for the instability and lack of productivity of all my choices. It was not easy, having to juggle the start of a new job and the admissions for Law School. Yes, you heard that right. I am going to Law School now. At least not until August. I remember sharing in my previous post that I was going to be a preschool teacher by June. Turns out, in my current life, there’s no such thing as a “definite” career path, reminding me that when you’re in your early 20s, you’re most likely going to end up in a jungle of roads – and you get to start walking on your toes, trying to find the right spot to hop on. So yes, Law School it is (although I’m still currently teaching).

As I write, I hear my own heart trying to slower down its pace. It’s only 8PM but I feel terribly exhausted. This has been a regular feeling ever since I’ve started teaching. Frustration builds up and at times I wonder if there is, in any way, improvement among my students. There would always be moments when I find myself waking up in the middle of the night to just remember the pressure before I break down. Peace, I’ve noticed was out of reach, and I had consistently wondered, “Is there any hope for relief?”

God’s answer came quickly, and apparently, has been keeping this boat sailing on despite the storm. My peace and my joy are building up to restoration as He has promised.

“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

I had always wondered, for the past few weeks, if I truly was following God’s will, opposing the idea of Law School. In my heart, I thought that legal studies was both tedious and godless, so I wrestled with the idea and insisted on what I thought was right – staying away from it. In the end, however, I resorted to going with the flow, constantly telling the Lord that this time, I shall leave it up to Him. After all, as long as I did my part, God will open the doors at the right time. And that, He did. After crying before the second phase of admissions: the interview (I was still convinced I did not love Law), I went. There, things started changing. The results were worth great rejoicing, and strangers (now mere acquaintances) begin sending Law School materials in PDF form without notice. I thought, maybe I should give this a try and continue praying about it. Enrollment is days away, and classes, only two weeks, I could barely contain myself. I am both feeling antsy and excited over the idea of schooling with highlighted and marked books on a schoolgirl desk. I thought, I wouldn’t feel terrible with this fate, after all.

So much more is happening alongside the career and academic buzz, explaining the disorganized blog entry; I wish I could write everything down. I would if I could. Instead, I would just continue this post by thanking the readers faithfully visiting this blog. (It really, really means a lot to me.) I know how often I say I would try to write regularly, but I will still make the same promise today. Sure, my schedule would be a lot tighter than usual (with work, Law School, and me and my film crew working on new shorts), but I know you know how this has already been a part of me since forever. I will still write to you. More regularly now, that is!