2017 was probably the year I wrote the least. One, because I've been terribly busy, and two, because the things that kept me busy were changes that I have no idea how to share with you. I have detached myself from people - ended relationships and started new ones. From borderline extrovert, I have curled into a different type of introvert, shying myself away from people and refusing engagements. (Can you believe I've shifted from ENFP-T to INFP-T?) Sometimes I feel I have spiraled down in the social world, but there are also times I feel stronger and braver. I actually do not know which part of my head to believe. Was I broken? Was I actually stronger like I wanted myself to believe?
I'm still anticipating changes in the next few months. While they make me anxious, they also definitely make me feel older - more in control of my actions. I just turned 23 and I could not fathom how, years ago, I always said I could not wait for my 24th year when I'd have my life all to myself. Wrong assumption, definitely. Now, I would give anything to slow down time. I guess when you're getting older, time flies even faster, taunting you as if you were in a race you're bound to lose anyway. Remember when you were younger and you had to fake your afternoon naps just so you could go out and play with your friends? Five minutes of lying still on the bed and it seems like forever. Meanwhile, here you are having approximately eight hours of sleep and it's still not enough. Time is a tease, and I keep on thinking how five years from now, I'd probably still be feeling nostalgic over my 23rd year. In other words, life's crazy. Don't be surprised.
Funny how I complain about time being so fast and yet wishing for it to go even faster anyway. Kevin has always reminded me to quit overthinking and just try to live in the moment - try to take whatever peace life is offering me - but I always go back to this wheel of thought like a crazy hamster.
But, I know I'm coping. Thank God I am.
Here's a list of what you've probably missed (or, IDK, you probably don't care but I'm writing them down anyway):
1. I gained so much weight over the year, you won't believe the numbers on the scale, but I'm kinda shedding them off now (or at least I'm trying to!).
2. I have a cool writing job!
3. I moved to a new home a few months ago! It was a pain to go through the process of renovations and home-furnishing but it definitely made me feel more in control of adulthood. (I guess nobody ever gets to this "phase" but I want to pretend.)
4. With the bigger, more peaceful space, I can finally move forward to more intentional writing and filming. I guess I no longer have a reason to delay my passion project, as well. (I am reviewing this draft a few months later - I wrote this last April - and no, I still haven't produced a decent film/article, but I will, soon!)
5. Aaand, last on this list: God gave me Kevin. I'm not sure if you've noticed but the posts before this were when we just started dating. Crazy how one year could change things so much, huh?
And, blah, blah, blah. This, is the story, so far. I just wanted to write down the burden of the previous year so I'd have a blank slate for 2018, although I know waiting until half of the year has passed before publishing a new year's post is ridiculous. I do promise to write as often as I can now though so please don't give up on me just yet!
Love you peoples,
Aine
