Am I Loving Right? (Devotional Friday)

A few days back, a friend said something that made me want to curl in sadness and frustration. After years of looking up to this person as somebody Christlike, I thought all I would be seeing of him was the good side. Okay, maybe I expected too much. He should know better, I thought, holding back my tears, wishing I could get out of the room already to pour everything - tears and groaning - to God.

I reasoned with the Lord, "God, can you just give this guy a good spanking? He doesn't even know I'm hurt because of what he said. Imagine that!"

My sobs had probably seeped through the walls because that night, my younger sister came in the room, and just stared at me before she went back out (probably realizing I was better off alone). It was tough, I tell you. Do you remember the time you were so hungry you dashed to the fridge to take that last slice of cake you've been saving only to find out that it really isn't there anymore? My feelings, exactly.

I asked the Lord why that person didn't even send me a short message of apology. There was only silence and my silent phone, and I was only as hurt as I had been hours before.

The next day, I recalled the events and got hurt again. "Lord!" I cried out in my head. "I can't even stop thinking about it. How should I forgive when he doesn't even know he's supposed to ask for forgiveness?" Again, there was only silence. No lightning, no shaking of the ground to answer my question. There was only silence, and I was left to evaluate how I've been badgering God with such childish complaints over five words a person just told me.

"Lord, I want to love the way you do," I softly started in tears, realizing my mistake of taking a selfish perspective. "But how do I continue to love this person despite the hurt?"

Peace washed over my anxious soul, as the Lord led me to 1 Corinthians 13. It's pretty much a common passage. In fact, this passage is discussed even in English classes, as far as I know. Honestly, I do not even take a second look at this passage, thinking I already possess this kind of love - the kind Paul defined. "Psh. 1 Corinthians 13? I've been singing a song about that since I was a little kid! How could I not know how to love like that?" my mind boasted.

But the Holy Spirit prompted me to read it with careful thought.

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13

Like a mantra, I always repeat to myself before to love my "enemies" (or the people who hurt me, anyway). And in reply, I tell myself, "Wow, you're doing a good job, Aine! You're loving them by not seeking revenge!" That is love, isn't it?

Now, reading the passage again, there is a huge chunk of definition I have taken away from love, I realized.

"You do want to love the way I do, right? Then follow what I say about love," the Lord reminded me patiently.

Love. Wow. It's now such a misused term. Either you mistake it for the mushy and tingly feeling you get in romance movies, or you mistake it for physical attraction. That's Eros love - erotic and dependent on physical presence. Sometimes, we also mistake love for that which is conditional. Yeah, sure. I'll love you...as long as you do or don't do this!

Imagine if the Lord's love were anything like that. What a terrible fate that would be for us!

Thankfully, His love is different. God's love is perfect and immovable - that which we should possess (and desire!) as well, as His children.

Follow what I say about love, the soft voice rang in my head as I thought about closing my Bible.

Taking my little pocket journal, I made a little checklist about love. Each time I'm not sure if I'm loving a person right, I'd mark the blanks to keep me on track. Maybe you could try along with me! Below is a mini checklist on love based on 1 Corinthians 13 that you could easily click and save.

Still hurting, and still incapable of forgetting what had happened, I marked my scribbled checklist in complete honesty, evaluating my attitude towards my friend. Guess what. I only had one check mark. The other blanks were marked X. So much for a so-called Christian, huh?

At that moment, I knew for sure the Lord was not pleased with my attitude towards that person (no matter how unfair I thought the situation had been). As Love Himself, He, too, demands we love the world as He has, regardless of what we feel. 

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another."

John 13:34-35

Usually, I would've easily said, "Well, duh! I'm loving already." However, if we REALLY take a closer look at the version of love we possess (like marking a checklist, for example), it might still fall short of True Love.

It's all or nothing, I am reminded every time I'd realize how my love has all the characteristics of True Love except for a few difficult areas. Isn't that what perfect Love is all about? The kind of Love Christ offers to share to everyone?

We are Christ's disciples. And only when we truly love do people get to see us as part of Jesus's team! Love one another. Love. Love with His love. Wow. Just think of what would become if all of us possess a love like this.

We are but works in progress, we know that, and it's one tough path to take, being in a world contaminated by pain, hatred, false philosophies, and pure wickedness. But be assured that in desiring and earnestly seeking what God desires for us, He is faithful to sustain us until the finish line. Let us love the way He tells us to, then, and the love of our Lord would overflow our cups as we allow ourselves to be channels of it.

Light up God's seal in you. Abound in His love, princes and princesses.

"We love because He first loved us."

1 John 4:19

Devotional Friday: True Wisdom and A Mind of Christ

Throughout my years, interacting with both believers and non-believers, I have come to realize that the definition of wisdom varies among certain groups of people. For instance, when I was talking with a few people who were well-experienced with the world, they started labeling me immature - a baby. In fact, they still call me that sometimes. This is primarily because of how I act, decide, and respond to questions in general. The fact that I didn't date, party, or join in conversations mainly consisting dirty inside jokes, made them think I lack experience. And as the world tells us, "experience always brings wisdom."

But is real wisdom truly the output of too much experience of the world?

According to Merriam Webster, wisdom is knowledge that is gained by having many experiences in life.

Okay. Stop right there and hold your horses. Haven't you noticed? This definition of wisdom emphasizes the kind that you earn through experiences in life. How rational, it may seem to others. Earned wisdom. Hmm, why not?

But what does the Bible tell about true wisdom?

Psalm 111:10 tells us that, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom..."

Fear of the Lord isn't being scared of Him like you're scared of clowns or cockroaches. This fear springs from faith in the Lord - when you know that God is Lord over all and Creator of you and the universe. This fear springs from awe and adoration of His wondrous works that you could not afford to displease Him - because He is your King and Master. It's so easy to be deceived, don't you think, that wisdom is as easy as getting work experience for a job you're applying for?

"We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began."

1 Corinthians 2:6-7

It is so important to seek for the kind of wisdom that comes from the Spirit and not from this fleeting world. That's because it gets us closer into God's mind and perspective. We begin to see things in a new light. Seeking the knowledge that comes from the Spirit of God (who searches all things, even the deep things of God) is like seeking what God has in His mind. And only when we know what He has in mind do we get to act the way He wants us to act.

"We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us."

1 Corinthians 2:12

The Lord is not at all stingy when it comes to wisdom. In fact, He freely gives wisdom to those who ask for it. James 1:5 instructs us that, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him."

God wants us to understand His heart and mind. Well, of course eternity wouldn't even be enough to know Him entirely, but He still desires that we take steps closer as He does the same, deeper into intimacy.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him."

Isaiah 40:13

But He does wish it to be known, doesn't He? Paul tells us this in 1 Corinthians 2:10: "but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit." This is the secret wisdom that Paul was talking about - the wisdom that would bring glory and not destruction.

Isn't the fact that God wants us to be drawn closer to His mind worth rejoicing? Isn't it a great privilege?

Wisdom that comes from the world is and would always be futile. Sometimes though, we fail to realize where we get our wisdom from, and from whom.

"'For it is written: I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.' Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know Him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe."

1 Corinthians 1:19-22

Remember that experience does not build up true wisdom, but having Christ's mind and praying for wisdom through the Holy Spirit does.

As it is written:

"'For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?' But we have the mind of Christ."

1 Corinthians 2:16

Test the wisdom that fills you, my dear brothers and sisters. Is it of the Lord? Or of the world, of which He destroys?

New Devotional Series Launch

Hey there!

I have been thinking and praying about this for quite some time now, and I am happy to finally disclose this information about this new series for Muted Rhapsodies. I know what you're probably thinking. This blog doesn't even have that many readers. Still, that doesn't keep me from hosting a devotional series that would be posted once a week. I believe no matter how scarce this blog's visitors are, the Lord would always lead somebody to the posts; all I have to do then, is obey Him and be faithful in the task given to me. Prophet Jeremiah had been faithful to the task given to him by the Lord despite God's warning that although he'd do as God had commanded him, the people would still not believe him. If he could be faithful regardless of success or failure, why couldn't we? Being faithful. What a better way to serve the Lord, for Him and His kingdom to come!


Basically, a devotional post would be posted every Friday. This series would, of course, be separate from all the other posts I'd be uploading which I'd more or less distribute throughout the week. My Friday posts would be solely dedicated to this devotional series. I know, I'm excited myself!

I honestly came short of names so this was what I had decided on naming the series. It isn't that catchy, is it? Haha. But this will certainly do. :)

It's only Tuesday (almost Wednesday, anyway), so that leaves us with around 2 days before the first Devotional Friday. I pray that the Lord use this blog, and prepare me and you readers for more of Him and of His Word. Sunday sermons aren't enough food for the spirit, I tell you. This is why the Lord wants us to seek Him, desire Him, and even pant and faint for Him as a deer pants for water. This, as the Lord uses it, would only be among the several ways of feeding ourselves with God's living word. Never stop. Never tire. For even if we spend several lifetimes studying God's Word, He would still continue to remain a mystery to us - every new thing we'd discover about Him would always overwhelm and humble us into a heart of worship. In awe. In adoration. Isn't that just beyond wonderful?


Join me in these humble weekly posts (which I had earlier called devotional series), friends, and let's experience together the Lord's beautiful mysteries as we go on day after day in this fleeting world.

So, see you this Friday?

Typhoon Yolanda - Scratching Wounds

It has been days since the super typhoon Yolanda tore everything from the parts of Philippine land. Typhoons have been regular in this country, but this time it's different. This time, it was overwhelming enough to kill people of trauma.



"Tacloban, a city of about 220,000 people on Leyte island, bore the full force of the winds and the tsunami-like storm surges. Most of the city is in ruins, a tangled mess of destroyed houses, cars and trees. Malls, garages and shops have all been stripped of food and water by hungry residents." (theepochtimes) Tacloban was declared "ground zero" by AccuWeather.com Meteorologist Eric Wanenchak; everything is completely wiped out.



It was not only Leyte that suffered from Yolanda (Haiyan), of course. There were a lot more islands completely destroyed. And according to the news, death toll was estimated to reach 10,000. How in merely a day could a typhoon create such damage?



Last night, as I was watching the news, trying to understand the situation and holding back tears, a man interviewed yelled over in desperation, "Wala nang natira. (Everything is gone.) This is a dead city! This is a dead city!" Then a father going over the cadavers was featured. He was wearing a tattered black muscle tee, covering his nose and mouth with only a disposable mask. In bloodshot eyes, he searched for his wife and child among the dead bodies scattered, and decaying all over the streets. When he was asked what he was doing among the bodies, he answered shakily that he only wanted to see the remains of his family. I couldn't breathe. Seeing a man cry of terrible loss and pain would probably be among the most painful things to see. But I refused to change channels and insisted on hanging on to the reports.



The United Nations was said to have released $25 million for the victims of the typhoon. Sharon Cuneta, a Filipino actress, in tears announced to donate 5 million pesos. Every TV channel featured packing of relief goods. But hearing from the people of Leyte over the news last night, I learned that not even a small pack of canned goods has made it to their town. I winced as the reports showed the victims looting grocery stores, pharmacies, and rice storehouses in desperation.



"I told him [Pres. Aquino] all systems are down," Defense Secretary Voltaire Gazmin said. "There is no power, no water, nothing. People are desperate. They're looting."



"Dili biya jud ko kriminal. Dili biya jud ko mangawat. Pero wala man ta tay mahimo. Kailangan man ta mabuhi!" (I am not a criminal. I never steal. But what could I do? We have to survive!) A young man appealed in front of the camera. He was only one of the hundreds of men who broke in storehouses just to get their families something to eat. Even the authorities refused to stop them, explaining they knew how hard it was for the victims, starving for three days without help from the rest of the country.



"Maskin isa lang jud ka sako sa bugas, wala jud! Wala pajud ni-abot!" (Not even a sack of rice made it here yet!) another man yelled in frustration.



I know government and non-government agencies are still working on it, but it's just frustrating to know that the most affected people get the help lastly, and in such a slow pace. Medicine is terribly lacking and more injured survivors are getting closer to their finish line. It is just too difficult to handle as of now.




According to SunStar, a mass burial has been planned to take place this Sunday, November 17, even without identifying the masses of dead bodies. Most of the bodies are barely recognizable, but they do not have a lot of time to identify them. They are rotting and would be affecting the survivors' health, thus the decision to bury the dead as soon as possible. I grimaced at the horrific tragedy that had slammed across the nation. In less than a year, all sorts of calamities had struck the whole country - wars, typhoons, earthquakes, flooding, and some more typhoons, flooding, and destruction. Yes, in less than a year. As I am writing this, Typhoon Yolanda is going further away from the Philippines (and into Vietnam), yet another typhoon makes its way inside our territory: Typhoon Zoraidah. It wouldn't be as deadly as the former, but with all the trauma, this might be too much to take for the others.




This should no longer to be taken granted. This is the time we take up our armor and pray fervently, in anguish, to the Lord for the country. For mercy. For deliverance. For comfort. For peace.




I honestly am broke right now but not giving anything to the victims tears my heart. So last night, I told my sister to take out the clothes she would want to donate as I would, and remit it over at school. I've realized that I had always stayed safe inside my bubble, writing and reading, minding my own little set of problems to take care of, with the food I never seem to run out of, but miles away from me, people are suffering, dying out of pains and wounds in body and in spirit.




After reading this, you're probably feeling the same way too. Being only a student, I wrestled with my thoughts, extracting ideas on how to help the people affected by the typhoon. It seemed impossible for me to offer help, other than praying for them, but the Lord reminded me that I was a Timothy - it didn't matter how old I was nor how much I own. As long as my heart was filled with His love, I could always give generously without thinking of how much I could do with my possessions. Yes, you're feeling the same way too, I know! You might have something to share along with the Lord's love, no matter how big or small it is; I invite you to share the Lord's blessings to you to them, my dear brothers and sisters.

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"

Matthew 25:40

Earlier, I searched for agencies and organizations where I could invite you to send your donations to, and I found this list at The New York Times. May the Holy Spirit lead you to wherever you'd send His love through.

Philippine Red Cross

The Philippine Red Cross is accepting donations and coordinating disaster relief on the ground throughout much of the central Philippines. The organization is posting updates on Facebook and Twitter.

World Food Program

The World Food Program, which provides emergency food aid to families and children, is accepting donations online and through PayPal.

Unicef

The Philippine branch of Unicef, the United Nations Children’s Fund, says that children affected by the typhoon need urgent access to drinkable water, medical supplies, food and shelter. It is accepting donations online as part of an emergency typhoon appeal.

Save the Children

Save the Children is accepting donations online to respond to the needs of children and families. The group said that 10 percent of each donation will be set aside to help prepare for future emergencies.

Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders)

The medical charity Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders),explains on its website that it has emergency teams in Cebu (the Philippine city with the nearest fully operational airport to the disaster area) and expects “to have a medical team on the ground tomorrow, Tuesday, in Tacloban, a town devastated when the typhoon first struck the coast.”

Philippine Department of Social Welfare and Development

The Philippine Department of Social Welfare and Development is seeking volunteers and accepting donations to respond to the typhoon’s destruction. Donations are accepted online. It is also posting updates about relief efforts to Twitter.

Gawad Kalinga

Gawad Kalinga, a Philippine nonprofit dedicated to fighting poverty, is accepting monetary donations as well as nonperishable goods such as children’s vitamins, rice, kitchen utensils and blankets. The group is accepting donations via credit card through its “give now” page. It is also posting updates on Facebook and Twitter.

The mGive Foundation Philippines Typhoon Disaster Relief Fund

The United States State Department announced a partnership on Monday with The mGive Foundation Philippines Typhoon Disaster Relief Fund, organized by the mGive Foundation, an American 501c3 public charity that collects donations for victims of the typhoon via mobile phone. Wireless subscribers can text AID to 80108 to give a $10 donation, which will appear on the donor’s wireless bill or be deducted from their prepaid balance.

Finding a Loved One

If you are looking for information about a specific person in an area affected by the typhoon, Google has set up a person finder page, which can also be accessed by mobile device or text message. If you have information about a specific person affected by the typhoon, you can also use the person finder page to share it.

For New Yorkers

As NBC News reports, there are more than three million Filipino-Americans and the community is actively raising money for disaster relief. New Yorkers can attend coming fund-raisers at Purple Yam, the Ditmas Park restaurant run by Romy Dorotan and Amy Besa, the former proprietors of Cendrillon in SoHo.

Underneath All Souls' Day

I never really liked cemeteries. It’s not that I despised them. I simply dislike the sticky feeling of having to visit empty niches, and of smelling rancid body and waste odor – of going to see graves that stir nothing in you, not even mourning.

Let’s just say the first of November, despite the long break, is not my favorite time of the year. And because somebody invented a day to remember the dead, the Filipino people practically stampede over to cemeteries to offer flowers, candles, and food. Not being immunized from traditions such as these, we have to once again travel to the other side of the bay just to place a bunch of flowers on somebody’s grave. It’s not that we believe in praying for the dead. We just want to remember their once existence. That, I also do not get completely. Cemeteries in the Philippines transform into bazaars during this season, which I find pretty ironic for a season that’s supposed to be for the dead. Meters from every cemetery entrance is actually a strip of stalls that sell varieties of food, drinks, inexpensive flowers, and fragile candles; vendors compete with the noise, hollering out their goods to passersby as if they couldn’t sell without telling everyone what was displayed on their tables for the world to see.

“Ma’am, sandwich!”

“’Day, bulak, day!”

“Tubig ka, Ma’am?”

Children come to you and insist that you buy their flimsy candles. “Te, kandila!” they would say simultaneously, elbowing each other, unaware of their runny nose and the soot on their faces.

On our way to Ozamiz, our car slowed down when it passed by a small cemetery. It was not because my dad wanted to pay respect to anyone’s grave. Cemeteries just get too crowded these days, people seem to forget the difference between their road and the cars’. I took the liberty of looking out the window and speculating the stalls people seemed to flock to. Flowers were hastily arranged in either a recycled milk can, or a disposable cup. I was almost convinced they couldn’t sell with the quality of the seven-inch weed-like flowers and ferns, but when I turned my gaze to the people getting in the rusty cemetery gates, most of them were holding the gangly flowers. Maybe I’d venture into this kind of business someday.

The other stalls displayed cotton candy, unripe mango in soy sauce and bagoong, chips, buko juice, and rice cakes – all handled in an unhygienic manner (as if we’re expecting BFAD to make inspections in cemeteries). People didn’t seem to mind though, and I probably wouldn’t mind either if my starvation or my blood pressure wins me over. I withdrew my gaze, reshuffled my playlist, and plugged in my earphones. I knew the cemetery near my grandparents’ house wouldn’t be anything different.

This would probably be the first time we only visited Ozamiz for four hours. It had something to do with our schedule, I believe, or our dogs which we have left at home. I couldn’t tell which.

“Tala, adto na ta sa menteryo,” Mommy said after we lunched on Lola’s special tinolang bisayang manok.  I have just finished washing the dishes when my mom asked my sisters to get two sets of flowers from the store across the road. I laughed when they came back with flowers that resembled the ones I saw on every stall at the cemeteries we had passed by. They were three pathetic-looking, premature white daisies surrounded by splotchy ferns and some kind of grass. Sometimes I wonder if the flowers’ beauty had just been insulted by the way they were being presented. I also didn’t know if the dead would like them if they’d know what kind of flowers they’d be getting.

“Tag-twenty na?” Mommy mouthed her unbelief when my sisters informed her each disposable cup of flowers cost twenty pesos. They could’ve been worth five pesos had it not been the first week of November; we just laughed it off, thinking it doesn’t matter anyway. Still, I could not completely understand why we had to get flowers every time we visit graves. I understand the “remembering” part, but I’m not sure if it’s anywhere near necessary.

I looked over the tiny square that bore my older brother’s name. He was only two months old when God decided it was his time to go. I never really saw him, and his sole (and blurry) two photos only consisted of him wrapped in a piece of blanky. His third photo was of him in a wooden coffin. This is probably the reason why I stare at his name on marble and feel nothing but estranged – unconnected.

After three minutes of staring at the food offered at the neighboring mausoleums, and at families gathered for lunch in the cemetery, the desire to urge my parents to go back home was tugging at me. I readied myself for the words, but my eyes fell on my mom instead, hunched over my older brother’s grave. She had already positioned the flowers, and was now picking pieces of garbage and broken glass strewn over the forgotten niche. My eyes went wide, overwhelmed by the sight of my mother picking up filth with her bare hands, when I barely see her doing dirty chores at home. She’d always been a career woman, spending most of her time on her phone making calls, or her iPad sending emails; her hands had always been clean, soft, and manicured, but this time she was cleaning her own son’s grave, unmindful of bacteria and withstanding the heat.

I wonder what she was thinking.

My eyes didn’t leave her. It was scorching hot and Mommy was just there, staring at the engraved name on the tile of marble. I started crying, feeling sorrowful over everything around me just then. Quickly turning away before anybody could notice, I realized the pain my mom had felt. He was her first-born, and she barely saw him grow. Even though she knows he’s with God right now, she still couldn’t help feeling the pain of loss. If she felt that, despite her belief in ascending to heaven as a victory, how much more would the people who didn’t believe, feel about their loss?

I looked at the plate of cassava offered at the next mausoleum again and the pain flooded, almost tearing my chest in halves. I had been too insensitive and hard to the pains of them who do not know.

The first of November still remains to be my least favorite holiday, but this year’s had apparently been a change of world glasses. My spirit cries for the prayers that fall on deaf ears. For the lopsided candles planted on empty tombs. For the uncared for plates of food offered to spirits. For the lonely families who spend nights on mausoleums. For them. For the lost. And for my unconcern and lack of feeling.