Because of recent happenings (what else is new?),
I have come up with a new short. Yes, after a century, I have written again. I have no ideas left for this baby's title, so I ended up playing with this:
The Things I've Missed. I know, it
does sound cheesy, but I'm tired and I have a long exam tomorrow that I have to get ready for, so this is sort of rushed. I've jammed the writing of this piece in between making my final requirements. Not too laid-back, huh?
Anyway, here it is. Enjoy.
It was barely sundown when I reached
the park. There were only a few people strolling around, mostly
couples. Exams were finally over so I decided to take a break and
spend some time alone, away from the things I used to know. Crissa
told me it works. So I had to try. Bored, I took out my pen and diary
and began to doodle symbols I have invented myself. I smiled at the
silliness of the shapes on the paper. It was as if I had gone back to
kindergarten without knowing anything. I felt the wind pick up and I
absentmindedly watched the fallen leaves in front of me sail away
into the other side of the park. Some things are just too weak to be
blown away by the wind.
“How much longer until this ends?”
I mumbled to myself, feeling my chest tighten. Involuntarily, I
reached up to my cheeks and wiped the tears that had stubbornly
trickled down my face. “Lord, what's next?”
Tired of waiting for nothing and of
swatting the starving mosquitos away, I got up from the bench and
decided to head somewhere else to grab something to eat. In my head
was a battle between cheeseburger and barbeque. It was already six
when I checked my watch so I thought it wouldn't matter if I had a
heavy snack by now. Mama and Kuya Gab wouldn't be back until eight. I
don't think I could manage to cook a full meal for myself yet so I
told myself I'd play safe tonight. I proceeded to Nanay Seliang's
stall and ordered several sticks of isaw and
gizzard and four wraps
of puso, rice balls in
woven coconut leaves.
“Alone?”
Nanay Seliang asked as she fanned the already glowing coal. I watched
her brush a little oil on the isaw before
I bobbed my head up and down into a nod. Cautiously, she put the
sticks on the grill.
“Hoy,
Kainah,” somebody called out behind me. I wheeled around and saw
him, my best friend
and cousin, in his usual sweaty jersey. Somehow, it was obvious he
just got home from a basketball game with his guy friends. I used to
hang out with them too, but ever since we stepped in college, things
got different. Eventually it was just him that I had continued to
hang out with.
“Uy,”
he laughed, drawing near to me before he reached over for a stick of
gizzard that had just been grilled. “Thanks!”
Nanay
Seliang cackled her usual hearty laugh and playfully smacked him on
the arm, reminding him to greet his mother for her. Mouth too full to
answer, he nodded his head vigorously like he had seizures. I bawled
with laughter.
Offering
him a silly grin, I ruffled his thick black hair. When I drew back my
hand, I faked a disgusted look and mouthed a “yuck” as I showed
him the sweat on my palm.
“Luis,
you have to get home. You stink!”
But
being the usual airhead that he already is, Luis just lifted his arm
and pressed my head to sniff his pits. I do not remember how much I
had wanted to throw up right then and there. I was not kidding, he
smelled of manly sweat, which he says is a good thing. Rolling my
eyes, I told him, “Yeah. It's a good thing if you intended to keep
girls a good ten feet away from you.”
He
snorted with laughter.
“Alright,
Kai,” he said, holding up his hands in surrender. “I'm taking a
shower. I'll just be real quick.”
“What
for?”
He
shrugged. “Tita said they wouldn't be back until ten. Problems. She
says I need to keep an eye on you.”
“So
you're baby-sitting me?”
Luis
took a swig from his Gatorade bottle.
“If
that's what you'd like to call it. Your mom just wants to make sure
you wouldn't be wandering off with Mr. Suave
over there,” he chuckled, elbowing me. He was looking at Bong
prompted on his new tricycle, picking his nose.
“You
are unbelievable!” I scoffed, running towards our door.
“That's
why I'm your best friend!” he hollered back, spinning his
basketball on one finger. “Don't forget to prepare some chips!”
I
shook my head when I made a dash towards my room to change into my
favorite shirt and shorts. After staring at my face at the mirror for
a good five minutes, trying my best not to let the tears fall down
again, I jumped in front of my closet and pulled out the tangerine
over-sized shirt that was once Luis'. It had a faded Power Rangers
print on front. Although I never was a fan of Power Rangers, it was
one of my favorite clothing. When I wanted to tease Luis, I'd use
this shirt against him. He doesn't like them anymore. “It's
childish,” he always argued. But because I wanted to be a mean
cousin sometimes, I tell his friends about it. It always works.
I
didn't know I was already poking a large hole at the hem of the shirt
when Luis barged in the living room.
“Hoy,”
he called out, pointing at the untouched food on the table. I smacked
my forehead. I forgot about my barbeque. Luis strode to the dining
table and grabbed the package before he plopped hiself back on the
couch in front of our TV.
“I
believe that would be my
dinner,” I whispered dramatically to him, as I placed one hand on
my hip. He turned to me.
“Our dinner,”
he retorted. “You have to be hospitable to your baby-sitter.”
I was
not in the mood to argue right now. My head still throbbed and my
chest was still aching, so I sunk to the carpet and spooned my face
with my palms. I felt like throwing up. I wish I were back at the
park. I could have endured the mosquito bites. At least it was more
peaceful there.
“Kai?”
I heard Luis call out to me. “Kainah?”
I
refused to budge. I just listened to the rhythm of my own breathing.
It kept me from minding the pain. A few seconds after, I heard Luis
take the space beside me. He cautiously placed the bag of barbeque
next to my feet. When I still stayed as still as a statue, he placed
a large cup beside the barbeque. My face lit up.
“I
bought that Halo-halo
just for you,” he winked. Then out of nowhere, another spoon
appeared and he burst out laughing. “Of course you have to share
with me.”
I
giggled and let him fish the halo-halo for his favorite leche
flan. My eyes darted around the
living room and noticed that the TV was not even turned on yet. I
decided to keep it that way for now. I brought my attention back to
Luis who was now half-way through the halo-halo.
That's guys for you.
“Luis?'
His
eyes momentarily looked up to me, but quickly went back to focusing
on his halo-halo. I
snickered and continued staring at him wolf down on the remaining
halo-halo.
“Can
I tell you something?” I finally breathed out. Completely satisfied
with his cup, not even remembering he was supposed to give some to
me, Luis sat up straight and turned towards my direction. My face
must've been a mess because he squinted his eyes before he made a
childish frown.
“What's
wrong?” he asked, taking me by the arm. Carefully, like assisting a
dying grandma, he led me to the porch. He insisted it was better to
have serious talks when the stars were shining brightly and the
breeze could whip your hair like you were in a soap opera. I laughed
silently.
“You
could tell me all about it,” Luis started, with his eyes searching
the sky for nothing in particular. “Did somebody hurt you? Or are
you mad at somebody?” My lips quivered. How much should I
say? Or should I say anything at all?
I
shook my head. “I...I'm not angry,” I replied. For what seemed
like a decade, I searched my head for the right word. “Maybe I'm
just...sad.” I looked up to him and he returned the gaze as if he
were expecting me to say some more. Nervously I fumbled with my
fingers and looked at my worn out ballet flats.
“Kainah...”
“Luis,
there's a void inside,” I began, sucking up the tears that were
about to drown me. “All the while I thought they were real. The
smiles, the talks, the time spent. They're just illusions, aren't
they?”
Luis'
eyes widened as if he already knew. And like a father to his child,
he carefully took my hands into his rough ones and warmed them with
his steady blowing. I never saw Luis this soft before, I didn't know
if I was about to laugh or cry.
“Kainah...”
“Luis,
from one to ten, rate how good of a friend I am.”
He let
go of my hands and pinched both sides of my cheeks like I was just a
rag doll he found on the street. Sometimes my cousin could be the
most brutal friend you could ever have.
“Ten
and a half.”
I
looked away. He drew a deep breath.
“Kainah,
do not listen to them. Never let their words eat you up. They don't
even know you that well. And I know you know God doesn't want you to
dwell in this foolishness.”
I
couldn't help it. I tried to look at the house across our street, at
the sky, at the old Talisay tree that had been on its spot even
before there were houses in the place. I tried staring at the lamp
posts at the street and at Whitey, our neighbor's dog, chasing a
large rat that ran towards the creek, but the tears still wanted to
show themselves. So I let them. They are the most stubborn things I
have ever known.
“Here,”
Luis took off his jacket and offered the sleeve of the yellow hoodie.
I gingerly took it. He wouldn't mind so I placed it over my nose and
made the most terrible nose blow that could have awakened the whole
neighborhood, Papa would be so proud.
“And
you say I'm gross,” Luis laughed while wiping the tears from my red
cheeks. “Sometimes I do not know if you really are a girl.”
Without
thinking, I grabbed Luis and crushed him in a bear hug. “You're the
best, Luis.”
He
just laughed and ruffled my already messy hair. “I know I am,” he
mumbled. “But that doesn't mean I'm going to wash that jacket.”
Grinning
at him, I pinched his cheeks, which I know he absolutely hates as
much as I do. “Thanks. I'm so blessed God gave me a cousin that
could double up as my best bud.”
As if
on cue, a comforting breeze came and whipped my hair back. Luis was
right. It did feel
like we were in a soap opera. I looked over at him who was also
enjoying the cold sweep of wind and we both exchanged a meaningful
smile before we remembered the bag of cold barbeque lying on our
living room carpet. Miming,
the stray cat that we had adopted a few weeks ago, was very happy
that night, while we had resorted to starve ourselves with a small can
of corned tuna we had scavenged from the kitchen cupboard. Luis
complained that I should have ordered takeout instead but I just
shook my head and told him there are things in life that we should
just bear with.
